Remember the scene in Kevin Smith’s Clerks where two videostore workers are arguing over the relative merits of Star Wars v Lord of the Rings? Star Wars is heralded as a classic, while LOTR is dismissed as nine hours of walking’.
The same accusation could be hurled at The Hobbit, Peter Jackson’s version of the Tolkien novel, which was much delayed and suffered several false starts. At one point Guillermo del Toro was down to direct it one can only wonder how much more exciting and visually interesting it might have been if he had.
The first Hobbit film of three seems baggy, stretched far too long, slow and frankly interminably dull in parts. At least 90 minutes could be cropped out but even if it had been it would still seem like a trailer more than a film in its own right. It’s a cynical exercise in money-making, and would appear to hover over the next three Christmases like the recession. Bah, humbug.
Martin Freeman is about the best thing in it, playing the hobbit himself Bilbo Baggins. He’s happily living in his hole, with plenty of food, drink and logs for the fire. Along come a group of dwarves much to his dismay claiming he is the chosen one to go on a journey to the Lonely Mountain to reclaim a treasure stolen from them by the dragon Smaug.
Baggins is reluctant to go, but after a bit of quiet persuasion from wizard Gandalf he agrees, and off they go on horseback. There follows close on three hours of strange meetings with giants, mountains that come to life, and various battles with the orcs. There’s also the inevitable meeting with Gollum; when Baggins falls inside a mountain and plays a riddle game to try and escape. That scene, around 15 minutes long, seems to go on for ever and we’ve seen Andy Serkis’ Gollum before, so now it just looks creepy and a little tired.
Visually there’s a problem. It’s filmed in the much-lauded 48 frames per second format rather than the usual 24, which is used to help eradicate the problems such as jumpy panning in 3D, but the result is peculiar. It looks crystal-clear too clear, with the plastic noses and sets looking completely fake. It also makes some sequences seem weirdly speeded-up, like a DVD on x2 fast-forward in fact the whole film has the look of a DVD extra rather than a polished product. The 3D adds nothing, and certain sequences look far too much like a computer game than a movie, especially the sequence when two mountains have a fight. Yawn.
There are cameos from the likes of Hugo Weaving, Cate Blanchett, Christopher Lee and Ian Holm, none of whom leave much of an impression apart from Blanchett’s ethereal turn. The dwarves leave a meeting between Weaving, Blanchett and Lee without consulting them first presumably they are as bored with it as we are.
Talking of the performances, only Blanchett and Freeman emerge from the mess with much credit. Freeman is gleefully reluctant as the timid Hobbit, slowly finding his bravery and giving the dwarves the support they need. James Nesbitt and Ken Stott try their best to find some live under the rubber noses, while Richard Armitage is probably the best performance as the dwarves’ brave leader in a breakthrough role.
Ian McKellen as Gandalf is simply ghastly, in his ridiculous pointy hat, grey fluffy beard and dull eyes, it’s a classic case of dialling it in. Even Sylvester McCoy puts in more of a shift than a performance as a mad wizard who rescues a hedgehog from certain death which is about exciting as it sounds.
Overall verdict: A bloated, overblown, cynical exercise in studio cash-creation, which stretches on for an eternity. A few nice jokes and some battle sequences fail to spark it into any kind of life. The thought of two more episodes is asking too much of an audience.
Reviewer: Mike Martin