This year’s crop of blockbusters has been fairly disappointing. The likes of Transformers 2, Wolverine and Angels & Demons promised a lot but delivered far less, so it’s nice to find that the final mega-budget, special effects filled flick of the summer, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, finally supplies the genuine dumb fun that’s been lacking so far this year. Admittedly is it often quite silly, but nevertheless the film is surprisingly entertaining.
After their convoy comes under attack and their consignment of nanomite missiles is nearly stolen, soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are inducted into a secret international military squad – G.I. Joe – which has all sorts of nifty gadgets and gizmos to help fight off the bad guys. They find themselves going up against the developer of the nanomite weapons, arms dealer McCullen (Christopher Eccleston, complete with a Scottish accent that makes him sound like Supergran), who wants them back as part of a convoluted and diabolical plan to shift the balance of world power in his favour. In case you’re wondering what all this nanomite business is, they’re basically tiny little robots that can eat through any material, and if left to run riot could turn an entire city to dust. Also caught up in all this is Duke’s ex-fiancée, the catsuit loving Ana (Sienna Miller), who’s now on the arm of McCullen and known as the Baroness.
While G.I. Joe is mainly about lots of massive action set-pieces and things exploding, it’s actually quite effective at setting up its own little Joe fanboy universe, which features a surprising amount of characters on both the goodies’ and baddies’ sides. You’ve got the mysterious Doctor, who seems to be channelling Darth Vader and is helping McCullen build an army of subservient soldiers, there’s the silent, gimp-mask wearing good guy Snake Eyes and his evil nemesis Storm Shadow, as well as the entire team of Joes, including computer boffin Breaker, all-American hero General Hawk, Brit brick Heavy Duty, and Scarlett, who claims to be all about the science but is actually all about wearing slinky rubber outfits.
The character development does appear to be taken from the Ladybird Book Of Human Emotions, and it turns out the balance of world power is down to family dynamics that wouldn’t look out of place on Jerry Springer, but it just about works, if only as a structure around which to base some enormous action sequences.
Director Stephen Somers seems to have watched a few Michael Bay movies and decided they were a bit light of the explosions front, and so he’d better do something about it. In fact it’s almost as if the film is going on a tour of different environments where you can blow things up, literally heading from the bottom of the sea to the upper atmosphere and everywhere in between. You’ve also got power suits that allow Duke and Ripcord to run through the streets of Paris at 40mph, nanomites eating the Eiffel Tower, an endless array of futuristic vehicles and enough massive, effects-filled set-pieces to keep any fan of OTT action happy.
It does occasionally feel like the whole movie is a cross between a toy catalogue and the cut scenes from a very cool looking computer game, but it doesn’t really matter because G.I. Joe does exactly what it says of the tin. It’s loud, bombastic, doesn’t try to do anything but entertain and while it’s dumb as a box of rocks, I was very entertained. Sure the thickness of Channing Tatum’s neck is more impressive that his acting, Sienna Miller’s accent floats around somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic, the military seems more interested in ensuring that its female members get to show off their figures than ensuring their safety and, perhaps most importantly of all, we never get to find out if these Joes are anatomically correct, but it’s surprisingly fun.
The thing to remember is that this is a film based on Action Man (in case you’re wondering, Action Man is G.I. Joe, but he got a different name over here because Hasbro didn’t think British kids would be interested in Vietnam era American soldiers), and despite the 12A certificate it’s designed to be viewed through the eyes of a child, with a script that feels like a live-action cartoon. Young boys will love it, and if you’ve still got a kid inside you (stop sniggering, perv), so will you.
Overall Verdict: It may be Team America: World Police without the satire, right down to the destruction of the Eiffel Tower, but G.I. Joe is surprisingly fun.
Reviewer: Tim Isaac