Okay, here’s my theory – Michael Bay is a genius. I know that immediately sounds like grounds to have me committed, but hear me out. He runs a company called Platinum Dunes along with his partners Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, which pretty much exclusively produces remakes of films that nobody really wants a new version of, such as The Hitcher, Friday The 13th, Amityville Horror, Texas Chansaw Massacre and A Nightmare On Elm Street.
Every single one of them has been bloody awful. So my theory is that Michael Bay deliberately produced bad movies through Platinum Dunes, as part of a plan to create so many remake stinkers that it puts Hollywood off the idea of ever tampering with old movies that don’t need to be touched. He’s actually trying to save us in the long run by making our eyes bleed in the short run!
Are you convinced? No, neither am I.
Now comes news that Platinum Dunes is coming onboard to co-produce a new live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Nickelodeon/Paramount, which bought the rights to TMNT last year, announced in October that they wanted to bring the shelled ones back to the silver screen. At that point John Fusco was said to be on scripting duties, but it appears that with Platinum Dunes coming onboard, they’re going back to square one, as Deadline reports they’ll start meeting writers in the next few weeks (with Bay obviously going for the worst pitch he can find).
Maybe TMNT can survice the machinations of Platinum Dunes, but if the company can even kill Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees, I don’t hold out much hope.